In Twelve-step recovery, finding a “God of my understanding” who helps with my addiction can be challenging. The process of surrendering to the Power Greater than myself is difficult, at best, and impossible for some. In hindsight, I see that a lack of surrender kept me in a cycle of relapse for over six years. My difficulty was how to move from a belief that did not relieve my alcoholism to actions that did. 

My Christian upbringing had given me the impression that God only performed for those who believed a particular way – and in my opinion, almost no one I met that was practicing recovery qualified. Despite the differences, when I surrendered to alcohol by applying the Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous, I eventually stayed sober. 

Still, like so many in recovery, the traditional views of a Higher Power did not resonate. I felt something was lacking in my “conscious contact.” I began to research Buddhism, other eastern religions, and agnostic Christian writings.

As I researched, I was unaware of a pattern I began to see throughout all the primary religious texts. These were the same principles I heard in recovery.

I began to see three primary objectives:

1. Surrender to a Power greater than myself.
2. Clean up past harms with others and myself, resolving further harms quickly.
3. Help others.

The Use of the “God” Word

For me, the “God” word does not mean a benevolent male entity in the sky. Most of the time, I can substitute Love for God, and the statement makes much more sense. Love is always the action that brings freedom! In some verses, I acknowledge a presence that appears to be separate from myself. When doing so, I am directing this concern or gratitude toward what is, in this present moment, which is the best way I know, for now, of describing the collective consciousness or God. I also surrender to the difficulty rather than believing a force will cause me to overcome my problem. When I stop fighting, give up, and look for a way to help someone with their difficulty, my issues lose their strength.